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NEW YORK – July 11, 2011 from an anonymous source

In an unusual display of unity, leaders of five Chasidic groups today issued a joint statement in support of proposed state legislation to allow same-sects marriages.

The groups represented were Belz, Pupa, Saatmar, Bobov, and Lubavitch.

“Of course we want same-sects marriages,” said Rabbi Wurzma Shtreimel, head of the Belz movement. “A Belzer should marry only a Belzer. That makes perfect sense.”

The other rabbis agreed.

“If a Saatmar weds a Bobover, woe to their offspring,” proclaimed Rabbi Praymita Gartel of Saatmar. “What would their children be: Saatovers?? That’s totally unheard of.”

The rabbis shared concerns about the dilution of their individual groups through intersect marriages.

“The Tanya warns us,” said Rabbi Mendy Pantz of Lubavitch. “If a Lubavitcher marries outside his sect, his children lose half their heritage. His son is not Lubavitch, just Vitch. And his grandson becomes a son of a Vitch.”

At a separate news conference, Chasidic women expressed similar concerns.

“It’s less confusing when our kind marry their own kind,” said Rebbetzin Donna Kittel, founder of a Pupa women’s group, The Mamas and the Pupas.  To prevent intersect marriages, Belz rebbetzin Gitta Kapotah announced the formation of a new community matchmaking service, Wedding Belz.

“We must protect our Belz,” she said. “They’re our family jewels.”

Contacted by Mr. Richard Feder of Ft. Lee, N.J., Rebbetzin Emily Littella of Bobov asked: “What’s all this I hear about same-sox marriage?”